Super Bowl, Take 50…

Here we are again, sports fans! The biggest day of the year for the NFL. Who will walk away the ultimate champions of the world?

That’s today? You mean I missed football season again this year? Well, crap…

No, I’m not a big fan. Never have been. In fact, most days I’ve tried to watch the big game with friends typically found me soundly sleeping long before a victor ever emerged. Blame it on a solid meal or over refreshment on the adult beverages typically found in surplus at such showings, but naptime almost always proves a better use of my time when it comes to football.

I take that back: I had to work a couple years back on the hallowed Super Bowl Sunday. Wound up stuck like Chuck at a machine shop from 7 a.m. to nearly 11 p.m. I wound up earning a bonus because I missed the big game that day; the boss even sprang for pizza for our weary group, who had missed meals that day as well as whoever was playing that particular year. That was hellova better alternative to sleeping through game time, in my opinion.

Don’t get me wrong. I like football. Even played myself, back in the day to a few minor successes. Watching football, however, just doesn’t do it for me. Were it not for my reminders on my favorite news programs on the radio and TV this year, I’m fairly certain I would have missed it entirely. I’ll probably watch a movie anyway. I’m a much bigger fan of stories…

So who’s my pick for the big game? I heard this morning that the matchup is between the Denver Broncos and the Carolina Panthers. I honestly didn’t know that latter one was a team. I mean, I remember John Elway from my youth at the Mile High City, but that other team wasn’t around back then. I doubt I could even name a single player for either today.

Thank you, CBS. You’re promos throughout the day are designed to keep dumbasses like me informed, I see. Peyton Manning is playing. I heard of him. Can’t say I ever remember seeing him play, but I’ve heard about him anyway. He had some brother in the game as well – Eli, I believe – and his dad, Archie, used to play for the Saints and my favorite team, the Oilers. (Why are they my favorite? They were close by. I attended their practices in San Marcos back when I ran the ball. And they had the common fucking decency to finally call it quits after most of the fan base went to soundly sleeping through the games.)

I guess I do “know” someone playing after all. According to this broadcaster, he’s one of the oldest QBs ever as he walks on the field today. We have more in common than I thought…

Besides, with a blog name like mine, I should naturally be attracted to Broncos anyway, right? (The boots thing.) Leave it to the very same CBS to offer me an alternative.

Apparently the coach of this team I didn’t know existed, Carolina’s Bruce DeHaven, is a cancer patient, quite possibly playing his last game ever according to one of the segments on CBS’s Sunday Morning. Described by his players as a “grandpa to me,” self described as the “luckiest man in the world,” to borrow from Lou Gehrig. (So says the man with no story to tell, they say in closing). Plus, I hear Michael Oher is also taking the field for Carolina, the dude we all got to know in the Blind Side. Yeah, it’s a movie about football. I watched it with great interest. Like I said, I prefer a story to a game any day.

As reporter Mo Rocca, so eloquently put it, “a cat may well be a top dog today.” Or the underdog. Either way, I like dogs…

So who’s my pick? I found myself unnaturally fascinated by another story Sunday Morning offered today, about another type of super bowl, as it were. One’s gotta wonder about shithead kids sliding into the bowels of bowldom, anal massagers you can set to your pleasure, and models that might check your vitals (How exactly? Weight? Volume? Consistency?), but this is definitely my vote for the Super Bowl winner. There’s even a cool motorbike in this one:

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