Original Poetry: ‘Hipster Jesus,’ as published in the 2018 Havik literary anthology…

 

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I found this proof cover of the 2018 Havik anthology about midday Saturday, May 19, at roughly the same time the faculty and staff were hosting an unveiling party for the new book at Las Positas College in California.

I rather hoped I would’ve seen more photos from the event, but from the looks of it they came right down to the wire of getting this thing put together. I’ve attached another picture at the foot of this post that goes over the general basics of the publication this year. If my imaginings are anywhere close, this must be one hefty volume. A total of 122 contributors from six continents. I’m rather amazed my piddling contributions got anyplace near it.

At least that’s what I thought, anyhow. In fact, I wrote the whole thing, tongue in cheek, more as a spoof of a poem rather than an actual submission. Of course, I banged this one out on one of those days I got like 14 rejections in one day. I wrote this snarky as hell, and submitted it thinking it couldn’t do any worse than anything else I’ve submitted. Proof positive that I truly have no clue when it comes to things poetic.

THEIR LETTER TO ME: The 2018 Havik staff has spent the last month completing reviews for over 350 works of poetry alone. We know that you have been awaiting our decision regarding your submission, so thank you for your patience. We are happy to inform you that your excellent poems “Hap.Haz.Ard” and “Hipster Jesus” have been accepted for publication. The entire staff of the anthology extends its warmest congratulations. Your willingness to participate in this project and your valuable contribution are deeply appreciated.

Hardly what I expected, that’s for sure…

And to the many devout friends and family I know will likely read this here: I meant no offense to anyone. Just one too many radio church advertisements (yes, big Jesus on Bayfront–that’s in Corpus, for real!) falling back to back with ice cream and beer ads, diet supplements, upcoming concerts and one too many hours spent searching out odd little twists for the stories I was writing.

I figure ol’ Jesus–however he might pronounce his name as a hipster–would chalk them up to reasonable attempts at humor. In fact, He strikes me as the type of fellow who might appreciate a good laugh now and again. I’m hoping so, anyway. If I misread all that, then boy have I got some explaining to do.

Keep me in your prayers, either way. So, first the stats of the Havik anthology this year. Then my attempt at something poetic. Enjoy!

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HIPSTER JESUS

by Bobby Horecka© May 7, 2018

 

 

Have you
heard the
good news?
There’s an
all new
meat-free

vegan version
alternative to
the lamb of
God, dammit,
just in time
for Lenten

season again,
now on
sale at
Whole Foods,
Duke Derringer
& Camelot stores

candied apples 
of capitalism
for constipated
calculations,
benzene and
gluten-free,

glib, gluttonous
Gulf shrimp
bought from
the bait store
on the edge
of water.

Pounding &
pushing waters,
impregnated,
behind the
big statue
of Jesus

on Bayfront
Drive—even
Hipster Jesus
would have
said: What
the hell?

No more
nuanced nuisances,
if you please,
because where
would we
be without

Hipster Jesus
and his
dapper blue
checked blazer
and skinny
jeans with

garish, glistening
goatee grown
down to
his preposterous
protruding poopec?
That’s the

belly button
to uninitiated–
a retrograde ritual &
repurposed retardants,
twice tweaked.
He shaves

his head
with a
Bowie knife
except for
sideburns &
Jewish locks

and bagels,
which always
comes in
handy breakfast.
Let’s not
forget his

tribal tattoo
carved into
his neck.
His tribe,
of course,
Israelite—not

tribal enough, so
its done entirely
in barbed
wire halos.
Beats that
whole nailed

to cross
thing, don’t it?
He’d probably
have (or have not)
a metal stud
or twelve

in each ear,
nostrils &
eye brow.
You gotta
wonder, too,
how does

that opening
J in Jesus
sound? Like
jaywalker,
Jesse Jackson,
or Jermaine

(another Jackson).
Perhaps it’s
H like hambone,
hamster, Habitrail,
hooker, habitat, or
habitual heroine

over-doser versus
casual candida,
hook, line
& sinker.
Or maybe
Jesus would

go by Chad,
Barry, Friederik;
the savior
formerly known
as Jesus.
That’d be

so much
cooler &
hipper for
a hipster,
don’t you think?
And afterward,

don’t forget
Jesus loved
you before
you got so
damn cool,
I guess,

& that applies
to happening
Hipster Jesus,
too. How
’bout you?
Do you?

(As published in the 2018 Havik anthology entitled Rise, published by Las Positas College in Livermore, Calif.)

 

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